I am excited to be taking part in my first Blog Hop, and especially because it is a BDSM Blog Hop with such a cool looking banner. So, to talk about the important stuff first, I will be giving away a free set of my trilogy: The Mayor's Daughter.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
So, with the free stuff out of the way, and since this is a BDSM blog, I thought that I would share some of my own thoughts about what BDSM means to me. I might not ever truly understand WHY any of the following does what it does to me, but I at least have a pretty good understanding of WHAT I like.
Before delving into my views on the specific four elements, I guess I should describe myself a little. I have been interested in BDSM since, at the age of 12, I discovered a battered old copy of A Man and His Maid tucked away in my attic. I'd had thoughts and inclinations before that, but it was the discovery of the book that made me understand that these strange feelings were sexual. I think it belonged to my father, though I've never had the courage to ask him. In any case, reading that book really opened me up to feelings that I completely did not understand at that point. Over time, I have grown to understand them more, though I would not begin to claim completely.
If I were going to pigeon-hole myself into a label, I guess I would call myself a switch. I think that my more natural role is as a dominant, and it's most often where I find myself. At the same time, I can completely rely enjoy letting someone else take the reins sometimes. As someone who is forced to be constantly dominant and in charge in the workplace, there is something that is just so absolutely freeing and delightful about being dominated by a powerful woman. You know that feeling you get after slipping out of a pair of shoes at the end of the day? Yeah, that's the feeling. It's liberating.
That said, I am primarily dominant and derive great pleasure from so many aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. Here are my thoughts on each element:
Bondage: This one is the biggest key for me to the whole equation. I am simply intoxicated by the click of a lock when applied to the female form. It is strange to say, but bondage is actually better for me than sex. Binding someone, to me, is a lot like enjoying a fine meal. By way of analogy, a great bondage session is like a plate with four ounces of perfectly cooked filet. When dealing with something so sumptuous, I find myself making smaller and smaller cuts as the meat slowly disappears. It's the same with bondage. I want to savor every moment, so each application of the bondage becomes more intimate and intricate. I want to watch my partner experience every moment of it as I put it in place.
Of course, the analogy ends when the bondage is complete and this is where it trumps the meal. When the last bite is taken from the plate, you're left with a smear of sauce and the memory of the flavor. When the bondage is complete, you're left with an intricately and beautifully bound partner. Yeah, bondage wins.
I don't know if I actually described that very well. Maybe I could do the thought more justice by pointing out that some of the best and most satisfying bondage sessions that I have ever had occurred without sex and fully clothed. Once, as part of a challenge, I spent a day just binding my wife in various forms (actually, fiance at the time). Her goal was to get free at some point during the day. My limitation was that I was not allowed to have sexual release until I let her go. She was convinced that she would be able to seduce me into letting me out. I believe that she was pleased to discover that the bondage was more than enough to keep me satisfied all day... though she did make it quite difficult not to let her out a few times. I base my belief that she was pleased by the discovery on the fact that she still went through with marrying me. ;)
Domination: This is a tricky one to answer about myself. On the surfzce, I don't like a lot of what is encompassed under the umbrella of "domination." I like taking control (and sometimes being controlled). I don't like being given control for no discernable reason.
In my early days in the scene, this caused no end of misunderstandings and difficulties. I have always felt myself to be a dominant. But, I would start a relationship with a submissive and find myself quickly bored. Here I would have this perfectly submissive woman willing to do whatever I wanted and I would find myself interest fading quickly.
For me, the domination part of the equation only works when it is earned. Looking back, I now realize that it's the reason why I never finished a Gor book. As soon as the powerful women who populated those books came to the realized that they were "meant to be submissive," all of the luster was gone for me.
Now, mind you, I am not judging or taking anything away from submissives. I am just a horrible dominant to actual submissives. It just isn't in my nature. I want a challenge, a fiery minx who keeps me on my toes. And I'm the same way in my own non-dominant moments. Don't tell me to lick your boots and expect me to comply. Make me lick your boots.
Sado/Masochism: I can put these two together because they really do go hand in hand for me. This is another one of those areas where I feel like I am slightly off balance.
In what I write and what I enjoy reading, I am pretty sadistic. I don't like anything that leaves permanent damage or draws blood, but aside from that it's pretty wide open. The delivery of pain, in those situations, is the natural progression for me from that state of bondage nirvana that I failed to properly describe above.
In the real world, I am not quite so bold. I would say that this is the one area where I fail to reach my wife's expectations on occasions. She has a masochistic streak a mile wide but I too often draw up short because I have a hard time handling seeing her in pain. I'm getting better, but it is a challenge.
For my own side, I am a pretty serious masochist. I have a high pain threshhold. I think that it goes along with my earlier noted "make me" frame of mind. It is a thrilling moment for me when I give in to the pain, when it grows to be too much to bear. My masochistic side gets most of its "playing time" in preparation for real life scenes and books. I am a firm believer in trying out anything that I am going to do to someone else on myself first, so it gets a little expression that way.
So, that's a little insight into me and into what drives the stories in my books.
Make sure to keep hopping along. There are a lot of great blogs involved here!
